The world we live in...

Yesterday, we bought pumpkins to decorate and put on the front step.

David spent a considerable amount to time drawing a vampire, a skeleton, and a graveyard with markers on one pumpkin.

He proudly put it on the front step last night.

This morning, we woke to smashed pumpkins on our front lawn. Our ghosts in the tree were pulled down and destroyed.

Looking down the street, I see the vandals threw potted mums and destroyed other neighbors yards as well.

This makes me sad.

How do you explain such crap to a six year old?

The Downpour

Coming off of a stellar week, and when I say "stellar" I say that with the most sarcasm I can muster.

I've been sick since last Friday, with some sort of head cold/sinus infection. I can't even describe the amount of pain I was in over the weekend. I can tell you that I seemed to have passed my cold to S., and David has been acting a little wonky, and wonky=sick is coming. This despite washing our hands until raw, and coating my house in a thin layer of Lysol and disinfectant.

Rule #1: You cannot STOP the germs.

On top of all of this, S. found out his job vanished last week. Poof! It's a veritable Halloween nightmare. It's almost comical, really- that partnered with the news I received recently that my own job is pretty much toast (the job will go by the holidays, along with my sanity) . So we know one job is gone for sure, we are just waiting for the pink slip. Possibly both.

I'm not going to lie. I am steps away from losing my mind. That being said, we are coping. I don't know how, but we are. We have begun preparations for the hurricane of job loss. Around now, I would be starting a Christmas list. Not this year.

I've been diverting my attention with David activities. He has soccer 2x a week, and just started cub scouts (which he LOVES so far). Poor S. had to do both without me this past weekend. I was lounging in bed with a cold ice pack on my head and hyped up on caffeinated hot tea.

I should mention that a sinus infection + Lupron is a bad mix. So for my friends cycling, if you feel a sickness coming on RUN (don't walk) to the doctor for antibiotics. Or suffer the worst headache you've EVER had.

I'm just sayin'...

Holiday? What holiday?

It's Monday, really?

That was the shortest 4 day holiday I think I ever experienced. Maybe it was the rushing around on Thanksgiving, or the fact that S. had to work on Friday AND Saturday. Perhaps it was the fact that I spent Friday cleaning out a closet while David enjoyed a movie with his Grandparents. Or perhaps the category 5 headache I had on Saturday which rendered me incapacitated and unable to setup David's Geotrax Train Set in his playroom.

Just about the only thing I remember was yesterday... dreading the fact that it was SUNDAY.

I had essentially not left my house all weekend. But worse, I didn't do any holiday shopping nor did I get out the holiday decor. I just didn't have it in me.

So we jumped in the car, and headed out to a local shopping center to visit THE MAN.

aaaaahhhhh.... now there's the holiday spirit I was looking for...

Loss and dog biscuits

As I sit here at my desk on Monday, I am reminded that 'life goes on', in all aspects.

After the events of Last Thursday at work, the remainder of my team are back to business... as if nothing has happened. Well, except we have less people to do more work.

This morning, after I dropped off David at school, I carried on with my morning ritual. That is, until I got home. I was so used to being greeted by Teddi, and when I opened the door from the garage, it was dead silence. Not even my cat was in sight.

How is it possible that I miss this dog? I guess the answer is that old saying 'you don't know what you have until it's gone' applies here. Never in a million years would I have expected to be so sad to see her go.

For me, I think losing Teddi was an extension of the feelings of loss I've had over the last two years. When we sat with Teddi as the doctor put her to sleep, all I could think of was loss. I whispered in her ear to take care of my babies in heaven. And I cried. I knew it was her time, and I was okay with that... I just had my fill of loss I guess.

I had so many plans when the day came that we were dog-free again. I know this sounds kind of cold, but there were some things that grated on me about having Teddi around. For one, she completely destroyed the hardwood floors. She was a shedder. And, it was hard to have strangers in the house with her around (she was always overly protective).

I've always said that I had a short list of things I would complete in short order after Teddi's departure:
1. Refinish the floors
2. Hire a maid to deep clean the house twice a month

Those things are on the radar, I'll admit. But the fact remains that this weekend was the oddest in years without that old girl. S. has taken this quite hard, but he has been good about letting David know that when he's sad and crying, it's because he misses Teddi too. Let me tell you, it is 200% more heartbreaking to see a 40 year old man cry over the loss of his dog.

David understands Teddi is not coming back. We talked to him about it on Friday, and as all kids do, he has proved himself resilient and accepting to the fact his dog is gone. Upon asking him about Teddi, his response is "Teddi is in heaven with her Mommy and Daddy Dog, and she's not sick anymore."

This morning he told me that he had a good dream about Teddi. That she was "eating all the biscuits she wanted in heaven, and she was happy running though the woods."

Children sometimes surprise us with their clarity and strength. If I could bottle that and apply it to myself, well, that would be something wouldn't it?

The most boring post ever written

It's Monday, which is the day of the week I hate most. S. is off to work at 6:30am. I can't barely wake up on Mondays (especially when I had one too many margaritas on Sunday), David can't get moving either on Mondays. He usually sleeps on the recliner while I shuffle in the kitchen, making his lunch, getting his clothes together, getting myself together...

Today was one of those mornings where you find it better to go back to bed and hide rather than face the realities of the day.

I drove little guy to his school, and bought a coffee, only to take a sip halfway home and find that they put SUGAR in it... which I HATE. Then, I round the corner to home in the car and surprise! the road is closed. I am a mere 750 yards from my street when friendy policeman says.... "sorry, road closed, you have to turn around." "But I live right there!!!" And I am forced to drive in a circle for 4 miles to get to the other side of the road where my house is when I can practically SEE IT from where I was stopped.

I have a dentist appointment this morning. I don't mind the dentist, but I am not motivated to go there today.

I have 62 unread e-mails from Friday, and I wonder if my co-workers are robots, because THEY NEVER stop working. Damn cyborgs.

And did I mention I still have no symptoms of this impending miscarriage? I have another u/s tomorrow for the Dr, to look and say, "gee, this should have started by now." Meanwhile, I've been reading up on recurrent m/c, and I am growing concerned that something really not right is the cause of my bad luck. My mind is reeling with a recent book I read that talks about the ties between the immune system and recurrent loss. I feel like bringing my books to the RE tomorrow, and telling them I want more testing in that area.

At the same time, I am soooo tired. so tired.