East, meet West

Well, I had my first acupuncture appointment yesterday. It was sort of what I expected... but with a nice surprise.

In the waiting room, pictures of babies. Lots of them, in a book. A brag book of sorts, with letters from patients who were LIKE ME. Infertility flunkies. Used to disappointment, but very adamant that acupuncture was the key to their long-awaited pregnancies.

JD, acupuncturist extraordinaire, was very knowledgeable about his craft. He walked through my health history in more detail than an doctor ever did. Asked me about my "feelings" through my infertility journey. And gave me a starting tutorial on the yin/yang (pronounced "yong".. who knew)? and the history of Chinese Medicine.

I found out my movement of Qi (pronounced "chee") is less than optimal when it comes to my spleen (official Chinese diagnosis: deficiency of spleen Qi). Not to mention the probable affect of my heart/blood disharmony.

Have I lost you yet?

I have to admit, by the time I laid down on the very comfy table listening to the sound of the many "water features" (fountains) in the room, and the soothing music I was wondering what I had gotten myself into.

BUT, there was "something" my body reacted to when he began placing the needles. About 10 minutes in, I felt my body start to melt into the table. I would qualify the sensation as very, very, VERY relaxing.

Perhaps with my hectic life, I took advantage of lying on a table in such a serene environment and, just simply, "detached" and became relaxed. But after I rose from that table and walked out, I felt like I was walking on air.

Coincidence?

Time will tell. I have another appointment next Tuesday, and it appears I've finally found the magic bullet to at least zap that anxiety and tension out of my body, momentarily at least.

Whether it helps me in my DE cycle, who knows... but for now, I am feeling like this is a very good diversion.

Ancient Chinese Secret

Well, I made my first appointment for acupuncture next week.

I have to admit, I'm not totally sold on the concept, but I am willing to give it a shot because I am never one to not try something once.

I had a short phone consultation today, and the acupuncturist sounds like he sure seems to have Chinese medicine down to a science. His speciality is acupuncture for infertility, and he made reference to his clinical pregnancy rate of 75% (which my RE also references on their website). If 7 out of 10 women get pregnant under his care, then who am I not to give it a whirl?

I don't know what acupuncture fees are like across the country, but I was surprised that his fees weren't crazy expensive for my area. I had expected it would cost a lot more, but, hell I could be paying a lot and not even know it. To me, the money is secondary to the possibility of it working.

Let us not forget that my transfer from my IVF last August was horrific. If I can be relaxed through this one, it's worth its weight in gold.

So, I am planning on once a week up until transfer. If this really agrees with me, I can do twice a week in the two weeks leading up to transfer. Acupuncture guy also will personally come to my RE's office day of transfer and do a session before and after.

So... away we go.

And, in a last bit of good news, the donor has her psych eval next Wednesday! AHEAD of schedule.

We are on a roll...

Bullet... Dodged

Thank you for all the comments from yesterday. Today, I am happy to report that the shooting pain is gone... just a dull ache at this point. Still taking the super-dose of Motrin for just today, then I'll back off and see if the pain is gone.

The doctor called yesterday, and the ultasound was negative. I feel like I dodged a major bullet there. Nothing like a life or death situation staring you in the face.

So the question remains, how does one have 48 hours of intense, repetitive (every 5 min) leg cramps if it isn't DVT or trauma? Hell if I know, but if it comes back, I'll be back to radiology for an MRI.

For now we do something I am so very good at... wait.

Speaking of waiting, amongst all this drama going on, the RE called me and said the donor got the "all clear", medically speaking. Contagious diseases and STD's are all negative. Nurse T said she wants the donor in for her psych eval within the next week or two as to not delay this any longer.

With any luck, I should be starting Lupron very soon.

And getting my official calendar of fun.

Hurry up and wait

I honestly wish I could tell you this donor cycle is kicking off, but we are still in the rough patch of the waiting game.

The donor still isn't done with the last task to get this moving forward. The sluggish pace is is not purely anyone's fault alone... it's a mixture of bad weather, rescheduled appointments, and the very specific step-by-step process that MUST FOLLOW a straight line.

The RE is done with all the required visits (consults, Day 3 testing, u/s, basic b/w last month), we are just waiting for the infectious disease blood work to come back (donor had blood draw yesterday). If the donor doesn't pass that, then everything is for naught. The last (expensive) task was the psych appointment, which got pushed out because the last blood work got rescheduled.

I appreciate that the RE doesn't want me to incur needless money by doing everything out of order (because if the donor flunks one test, it's dunzo anyway)... but... I am getting a little anxious.

I realize that this is the nature of the beast, so to speak. The anonymous donor I chose is not with an agency (she is from my RE's private list of local donors), so I am stuck waiting for a lot of the screening that would already be done if I had chosen from an agency. There is an upside, however, in that the cost out of my pocket is much less in the long run with the RE handling the show. Not to mention, this donor is ours alone... not a shared cycle with another recipient couple. And, we pay no travel expenses.

The downside is the state of limbo. I feel like a jilted girlfriend waiting by the phone for my boyfriend to call.

I spoke to the Donor Coordinator today, she was very adamant that I can bug her if I feel the communication isn't quick enough. Basically, she's to call me in a few days with the last b/w result. If it's clean, then we move on to the last requirement, and the calendar commences posthaste.

Sigh.

We are so close to getting this show on the road. Please gather all the positive vibes you can and send them my way. I am feeling a little dejected.

What, you missed me?

I got a call from the RE today (actually, Nurse T) to say the donor was having her last bloodwork done today (for STD's and communicable diseases). They got back her Day 3 blood work end of last week, and all was well. A beautiful, low FSH and on the money estradiol.

Today I start BCP's and wait. The donor is already on them... won't start Lupron until the psych eval is completed end of this month. The good news is since we are already being primed to start, there won't be much of a delay once we get the go.

Interestingly, Nurse T had more questions for me. I thought I had already gone through them all, but since I haven't signed anything yet they are preparing the paperwork.

Like,

Are you freezing any extra embryos from the donor cycle? ummmm... hell yeah, I'm paying $15k for them, what's another $1k?
Did you make a decision on disposal or donation of said embryos should you not need them/want them at a later date? more of a question for my husband, methinks.
Are you open to a single-embryo transfer, or not more than suggested amount by embryologist (in other words, we need to CYA because of the Octuplet scandal)? My take... I'm not looking for octuplets. I just want a live baby or two please.
Are you open to selective reduction if suggested? I am open to anything that does not put my life in jeopardy, and again, the goal is a LIVE baby. I will do whatever is in my best interest.

Interestingly enough, the RE happened to be standing in the wings on this phone call, and I heard some banter. Then Nurse T says...

"We're thinking of having you come in for another trial transfer. We know your last trial transfer went easy, but your ACTUAL transfer last August was.... um, challenging."

Gee, I thought you'd never ask. My answer, well OF COURSE. And for extra insurance, I get TWO of my RE's to perform the trial transfer and take copious notes because of my complicated (or not?) cervix. An RE wing-man so to speak.

If you ask my opinion, I think they just miss me.

And so begins my 41st year on earth

I actually have a rather meaty donor update for a change.

Donor had her Day 3 blood work and ultrasound yesterday, which went "fabulous" according to Nurse T. That means the uterus is looking fine, and the antral count, well, quite suitable and plentiful for a 22 year old.

Can we stop for a moment and reflect on the fact that I may be receiving eggs from someone TWENTY years younger than me? Ok... 19. I don't want to age myself that much.

Yes, my 41st birthday was yesterday. But between us, I'm calling myself 39 again. lol.

So now we await the results from the infectious disease screening this week, and if that's good we pass the second hurdle. Last mandatory step is her psych evaluation in two weeks, and if that hurdle is cleared too, she can begin meds.

From my end? I am to start BCP's in a few days.

And wait.

[insert crickets chirping here]

lol.

It's interesting to view an DE IVF cycle from the recipient's perspective. I'm just waiting by the phone. A whole lot of nuthin' going on.

Except, my weight that is. I'm down another 2 pounds this week, for a total of 17!

Now, THAT is exciting.

Once upon a time

Last week, husband and I had our obligatory "donor recipient counseling session". It was nice to talk to someone and lay out 4 years of infertility hell on a platter.

Dr.K was a lovely counselor. I was a little nervous talking to her on the phone when I made the appointment weeks back (she had a thick accent which I couldn't decipher). But in person, I found her to be witty and very knowledgeable about infertility. And the accent? Her roots are in the former Republic of Yugoslavia (specifically Bosnia) by way of Poland.

I have to admit, I did most of the talking. For those of you who know me in real life, you also know S. is not much of a talker (although he can get chatty if the mood inspires him). But I have to admit, when Dr.K gave S. open-ended questions, I got a ton of devilish enjoyment watching him squirm to find the right words to say. He is so charming, and it reminded me why I love him so.

At a point in the discussion, Dr.K asked how long we have been together.

The answer, not so easy.

Married for 14 years next week. Dated 2 years prior to that. But when we met?? S. and I were 10 years old. Neighbors. Our Moms were friends, our brothers were friends. Oh, and S. was my first kiss on the cheek. We were buddies all through grade school.

We didn't date until I was nearly 24 years old. In fact, even though we went to school together, we led entirely separate lives through high school.

That was when Dr.K looked at us in amazement, and said, "how delightful... a happy ending."

After the session was over, I felt a little bit giddy that I was able to talk to someone who would not judge me. And later that night, as I sat on the edge of the bed, I had a thought.

Being so focused on this one big goal, I do admit to forgetting how much I do have. I married my best friend. And, I had a baby! I did (it's hard to believe). In 2003 I gave birth to David, which in hindsight was nothing short of a miracle.

So, yes, I've had more than a few happy endings.. and on the days I feel in the dumps, I will remind myself that life never hinges on a single goal.

Not to say I don't have more happy endings in store.

In fact, I am counting on it.

Hungry like the wolf

Still recovering from the ickies (they took a lot longer to get rid of than I hoped). The good news is we are all now on the path to wellness again.

Speaking of wellness, I am now officially "back on the wagon" with my diet. Being sick gave me a five pound head start, and yesterday I went back to Wei.ght W.atchers. The good news is I gained no weight over the holidays! The bad news is I am still fat. And hungry.

Oh hell, it is what it is I guess. ...Baby steps.

David started his first season of basketball last Sunday. Much like soccer, basketball and 5/6 year-olds are a sight to see in action. Picture a bunch of kids under the basket with hands up in the air and clueless faces. lol. David seems to like it. He does great with shooting, but not so great dribbling. We bought a (real) basketball over the weekend and are working on that. Since I played basketball as a youth, I now finally have the chance to show David my "mad basketball skillz". bwahahaha. If I remember them.

Lastly, an update on the donor cycle. Nothing happened over the holidays due to vacations and merriment. I don't have a schedule yet, but hoping to soon. I got a call from the donor coordinator today, and the donor is still "on" (she has an appt. with the RE on the 27th), and is awaiting a new cycle to start. So, no birth control pills or Lupron yet on the horizon. Suffice to say that nothing interesting will be going on the remainder of this month at least. Not that it matters much, my schedule is pretty open and nothing significant is coming up that will conflict with the plan.

I am happy to be in a place right now of zen.

Concentrating on self-improvement and resting up for what the New Year holds in store.

Step One

We have a donor.

The nurse coordinator and the donor are on vacation now, so won't have a schedule until the week of Christmas at the earliest I suppose.

I am happy, elated, nervous, and hopeful.

And in the pit of my stomach, terrified. But in a good way.

[...exhale]

Mystery Date

Hello! Are you ready for your Mystery Date? You will never guess where your going! A Picnic, a Formal Dance, Skating, the Beach! you will just have to play the game to find out! You will never know where it is for sure until you open the door!

I saw a revamped version of the board game, Mystery Date in Target over the weekend. Anyone around my age can remember the 70s-80s version above. Oh, how I wanted the brown-haired stud to take me to the formal dance.

Pluuueeeezzze be behind the door!

Today's RE appointment felt A LOT like a mystery date.

How strange it was to sit down with a huge binder and pick your future child's genetic donor. Strange indeed.

I admit, I was a bit nervous. The Donor Coordinator (she was so cute and perky) gave me the instructions on how the binder was set up. Then she brought me a drink, a notepad, and pen.

"I'll be back in an hour to check on you. If you have any questions beyond each 20 page dossier, write them down, and I can call the donor for answers while your looking."

Wow, I thought... fast service.

So it was just me and about 40 in-house profiles. I was hoping to find at least a few in-house donors, to cut down on the travel costs and such. And I was not disappointed. Since I did not restrict myself on a lot of the visual characteristics, I narrowed down to 6 profiles within about 90 minutes.

I did have some 'deal breakers', however. Not going to go into serious detail here, but there was one profile I loved, but she had a specific medical concern in her family that was my deal breaker. That one, sadly, went back into the binder.

I was bowled over by some of the meticulous details provided. At the end of each packet it was as if I had a visual drawing in my head of each donor. One particular packet caught my eye. She wrote it as if I wrote it myself. She was almost me, but 15 years younger, and with brown eyes. I didn't think it was possible.

Nurse V called two of the donors for me with regards to the questions I had. Both donors provided answers within 10 minutes.

It was as if they were waiting by the phone.

For a date.

In the end, I brought home four profiles. Each one very different in their own way, and all having special reasons why I chose them.

This is finally real to me now.

I'm about to open the door and go to The Dance.