Thursday, May 26, 2011
I really haven't watched any daytime TV in the last 15 years.
To be honest, I don't think I missed anything.
So, the new, new job? It's great. And guess what? I was actually home, working on homework with the boy at 4pm ET yesterday. I wasn't in my home office pounding out e-mail or rolling my eyes on the 90th god-forsaken conference call of the day. I was sitting in the recliner with my boy studying Democracy and Government (is that not a heavy subject for a second grader??? yeah, I thought that too). It felt weird, and exhilarating to HAVE the TV ON before 7pm.
So, back to the original thought about Oprah.... I watched her last show in its entirety. Was Oprah channeling a message to me? It sure felt like it. She started talking about finding "your calling" and "listening to the whispers" (and not the crazy kind) and I started to have the A-HA! moment I always heard bantered about to regular watchers of Oprah.
I'm in the middle of my moment.
Let's back up a bit. The whispers? That I was meant to jump off the treadmill of corporate life? Yeah, I ignored them. For years. Now that I have a little distance from my last day in that world I can look back and see that the life there, MY IDENTITY, was stagnant. I needed to grow, again.
Grow taller, grow deeper.
I wasn't growing there, (except my ass was) due to the fact that I was a hermit in my own home. Working, eating, living, and barely opening up the blinds to the outside world.
Now I am here, in an industry that is foreign and, frankly, a little scary to me. But not REALLY. This is still a corporation after all, but with a very different spin. I grew up the daughter of a construction worker and that became the daughter of a very successful, power-couple parents that own and run a business that has provided all in the family with everything we ever wanted and needed. Back when I was a kid, and still today.
In the last three weeks, I have been working my tail off to bring the skills I learned over the last 20 years and started applying them here. Little changes, bigger changes... but they all add up to one thing.
I am contributing again to something WORTHY of my time. MY FAMILY.
Who knows where this journey will go. Surely, there will be times when all is not rosy (and I can't rain on my own parade so I won't mention the stress S. has been under at work... different topic). But for now, this is worth all of my effort. And it feels really nice to walk out of an office and be present for my husband and son at home. Hell, I am finally getting my laundry finished for once and the fact that I can get it done while working OUTSIDE the home is astounding and almost unbelievable. Especially considering I had loads of laundry that got moldy working at home because I never had the time to throw anything in the dryer.
So back to Oprah. How many times do I need to backtrack? My mind is all a jumble of words I really am excited to tell you all.
Oprah talked about finding "that thing" which comes naturally and easy to all of us, tune in, and get to the business of doing it.
Well, dear readers (or any of you that are left), that thing for me is writing. It brings me pleasure, joy, validation, and stillness that I just can't replicate anywhere else.
Which is kind of laughable, because I haven't been doing much of it here, but writing is all I ever think about. Problem was, the only time I had time to write (in my old life) was in my thoughts while I was lying in bed at night. I was never able to circle back and put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard. And now that I have time, my brain is on overload. I've been writing in other places and even *gasp* offline in a notebook. Yes, old school sometimes is refreshing.
I've even been READING BOOKS. I know, sounds crazy for many of you, but reading a book was a luxury I just didn't have before. The only thing I've pulled back on is my blog reading and commenting. That will come back in time, as I navigate my new life. For now, I realize that I can't just jump in with both feet... I am wading back into a life I never really had so I am still getting my feet wet.
It just felt right to reconnect with ME and then reconnect with all of you. A little introspection never hurt a soul.
I am so grateful that I have these two events converging at the same time.. a new job that is stimulating and offers "balance", and time to dedicate to my "hobby" (or "calling" as it were).
To say I feel like a fish out of water is an understatement.
But I am so glad I made it here.
There's just one missing piece. And yes, a non-earth shattering update on that is forthcoming in another post. :-)