2008, you tease, you.

I hate writing this post, but feel compelled to.

You see, since I've started this blog, I've always taken the time to ramble on about how many dreams and hopes were dashed in the previous year.

Each year, I become a little more hardened. A little more hopeless, and a lot more bitter.

On the eve of the 2007 new year while reflecting on 2006, I talked about resolutions. Specifically, resolutions I won't keep (it's the pessimist in me). Yeah, that was far fetched. I actually have kept resolution #6. Yes, I did eventually take those seven jars of change to the bank, and with the $343 cash in hand, I bought (part of) a handbag.... thereby defaulting on resolution #1 (I will not buy as many handbags).

On the eve of the 2008 New Year, I bid adieu to 2007 in a decidedly snarky fashion. It was one of the worst years yet. Family medical turmoil, the death of a friend, the death of my dog AND my cat. Oh, and let's not forget miscarriage #4, also known as the miscarriage of HELL. Read my archives for that one. You'll need about a day of free time.

So, 2008, what can I say? Cruel is a word that comes to mind. 2008, you were like the bad boyfriend that plays head games. You made me psycho.

The pregnancy on my 40th birthday that seemed destined to succeed. And then you shit on me yet again, 2008. Thank you for that.

Then, the last attempt in August with my feeble old eggs. You made it seem like it was a dream IVF cycle, and WHOOPS! There goes the rug out from under me again.

You continue to disappoint, 2008.

Of course, 2008 wasn't all bad. We three are here, present, and accounted for. My family is healthy. We still have jobs (well, today anyway... thanks GM).

I greet 2009 with mixed emotions.

2009, you have your work ahead of you. 2006, 2007, and 2008 failed to tow the line and now you are left holding the bag as it were.

Curiously, as the clock strikes twelve this evening, I will be kissing my honey as I have done every year. Usually, we hug and vow that THIS YEAR will be OUR YEAR.

But this year we have promised to make no expectations of you at all.

Now that the pressure is off 2009. you can rest easy for 365 days.

Yeah, I'm generous like that.

Looks like we made it

Another Christmas in the history books.

And, I might add, one of the most stress-free I've had in years. Primarily, because of the shaving down of the gluttony, but even better that Christmas fell on a Thursday, leaving 3 days to unwind, eat leftovers, and open every last twist tie on each toy.



Aaaah, now I feel rested.

Almost takes the sting out of the fact I am back to work today.

Not.

Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus?

aaaah, the holidays....

You might remember my post from two years ago (has it been THAT long?) about my favorite Christmas movie, Christmas Vacation.

Last night we fired up the DVD and watched it again for the gazillionth time.

It just never gets old.

The squirrel in the tree. The fried cat. The lime jello mold with cat food accents. The part when Clark has a ladder mishap while installing the "exterior illumination".

Classic.

It brings to mind a magical moment I had as a kid.

Years ago, when we lived in the infamous "blue house" my Dad did a Clark Griswold of his own. One year he decided to climb up on the roof in the middle of the night and do his best interpretation of Santa and his "eight tiny reindeer".

"And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof."

My Mom woke up my brother and me to the sounds of various gardening equipment tapping on the roof, and my Dad's oh so accurate depiction of Santa getting ready to come down the chimney.

Let me tell you, as a kid it sounded JUST LIKE Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen.

Well, until the HO HO HO's turned into quite a clamor...

you see, my Dad (sorry, SANTA) was just about falling off the roof.

I don't remember my Mom being concerned, but I do remember her giggling. My Dad didn't know it then, but he was channeling Clark Griswold for sure. In fact, I bet if I looked out the wrong window, he would have been hanging upside down, tethered to the roof only by a stubborn gutter and a heavy-duty string of lights wrapped around his ankle.

We had dozens of stories like that when I was a kid. I am sure that the Griswolds were loosely based on my family.

Clark as my Dad, Ellen as my Mom, Rusty as my little brother, and me, Audrey. Come to think of it, we even looked like them.

hmmmmm........

Pic: Warner Bros. Pictures

Christmas-Lite

It's like a non-fat grande latte, or sorta like having a piece of decadent pie with black coffee and Splenda (right, Emily?).

It's Christmas-lite, or Christmas without the guilt.

No bulging credit card bills, no rushing to buy the last item on your list (which happens to be gift #28 for dear Aunt Sally), no mounds of expensive gift wrap that's left in a trash heap in the corner.

No worries that you didn't spend enough, or buy just the "right" gift. No returns for things that didn't quite fit, or items that were dupes, or quite awful (did I say that??).

My personal favorite... I'll actually be able to fit David's gifts UNDER the tree. Not around it, and down the hallway...

More time to bond with the ones we love.

Where togetherness reigns supreme, and spending quality time with the family can simply be a movie, a board game, and some good hot chocolate (or beer, or wine...lol). Yeah, thumbs up on the wine. shhh... I can still drink it since I'm not on meds yet.

The BagMomma family is embracing Christmas-lite this year.

And it feels pretty darn good so far.

I might even have time this weekend to make cookies!

How will you be spending your holiday? Are you staying home? Traveling? Having to deal with annoying relatives? Using the fruitcake from Great Aunt Betty as a doorstop?

For those of you who have to travel (especially by plane, train, or excruciatingly long road trip) I feel for you.

And I also want to know who really eats fruitcake.

Does anybody eat fruitcake??

Do tell.

Step One

We have a donor.

The nurse coordinator and the donor are on vacation now, so won't have a schedule until the week of Christmas at the earliest I suppose.

I am happy, elated, nervous, and hopeful.

And in the pit of my stomach, terrified. But in a good way.

[...exhale]

One foot in front of the other

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door
If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

David has been obsessed with Christmas television shows. The lyrics above, from the 1970 classic "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" (by Jules Bass). I adored this as a kid, and still do. And this song is one of my favorites... I can hear Fred Astaire singing right now.

What a simple message.

One foot in front of the other. And soon you'll be walking out the door.

Perfection in so many ways, eh?

So yeah, I didn't mean to scare you guys with my freak-out post yesterday (thank you for your supportive comments!), but it is what it is I guess. S. is in limbo with his employment, and well, that situation may either change drastically (if he's laid off soon), or improve (the job fairy finds him a suitable place to land).

On the other side of the coin, my employment (forever up in the air, as it has been for 15 years) is once again on the skids. The goal: find another job within the company that provides safe-haven (in other words, gets me thru 2009 without getting a pink slip). The technology environment is always so cyclical, and I've been laid off twice before (and found a job in-house), so this is no new news really. Just a harbinger of things to come. A situation that I DO NOT NEED when my husband's position is in jeopardy.

The good news is we've already been cutting back on expenses. The intent was to lighten the load for the donor cycle expenses, but it appears we had good timing to at least get our debt in order the last three months.

We need to re-examine our lifestyle and seriously crank back MORE just in case. And, no the donor cycle is still in play. And, yes, David will indeed have a great Christmas. Just less stuff.

Burgermeister Meisterburger is not going to rain on my parade.

Cancelling Christmas

Well, it's going to be a very back-to-basics holiday season around here. Without going into too much detail, suffice to say that 2009 will bring a change of pace economically for my family.

Check out my latest post at New Jersey Moms Blog for part of the story...

The rest of the story is, well, crappy also. More to come when I'm not stressing out.

Sugar Therapy

Behold a masterpiece...

I give you, The Candy Cottage, by David and Mommy...

How many pieces of candy were eaten during the construction?

Lord only knows, but it was good.

Mystery Date

Hello! Are you ready for your Mystery Date? You will never guess where your going! A Picnic, a Formal Dance, Skating, the Beach! you will just have to play the game to find out! You will never know where it is for sure until you open the door!

I saw a revamped version of the board game, Mystery Date in Target over the weekend. Anyone around my age can remember the 70s-80s version above. Oh, how I wanted the brown-haired stud to take me to the formal dance.

Pluuueeeezzze be behind the door!

Today's RE appointment felt A LOT like a mystery date.

How strange it was to sit down with a huge binder and pick your future child's genetic donor. Strange indeed.

I admit, I was a bit nervous. The Donor Coordinator (she was so cute and perky) gave me the instructions on how the binder was set up. Then she brought me a drink, a notepad, and pen.

"I'll be back in an hour to check on you. If you have any questions beyond each 20 page dossier, write them down, and I can call the donor for answers while your looking."

Wow, I thought... fast service.

So it was just me and about 40 in-house profiles. I was hoping to find at least a few in-house donors, to cut down on the travel costs and such. And I was not disappointed. Since I did not restrict myself on a lot of the visual characteristics, I narrowed down to 6 profiles within about 90 minutes.

I did have some 'deal breakers', however. Not going to go into serious detail here, but there was one profile I loved, but she had a specific medical concern in her family that was my deal breaker. That one, sadly, went back into the binder.

I was bowled over by some of the meticulous details provided. At the end of each packet it was as if I had a visual drawing in my head of each donor. One particular packet caught my eye. She wrote it as if I wrote it myself. She was almost me, but 15 years younger, and with brown eyes. I didn't think it was possible.

Nurse V called two of the donors for me with regards to the questions I had. Both donors provided answers within 10 minutes.

It was as if they were waiting by the phone.

For a date.

In the end, I brought home four profiles. Each one very different in their own way, and all having special reasons why I chose them.

This is finally real to me now.

I'm about to open the door and go to The Dance.

How much fun can you handle?

Whew! What a holiday weekend. From Turkey Day all the way through Sunday we managed to use every last spare moment of time.

Thanksgiving Day here at home was... exhausting, but fun. This is me and S. after 24 hours of cleaning and cooking...lol

Then we woke up Friday morning and drug out every last box of Christmas decorations. Was I meaning to do that? Hell, no. I was looking to just kick back and relax, but David had other plans. He's the worst supervisor, by the way.

Saturday we got up early and headed to the Please Touch Museum in Philly. It's in a new venue (such a beautiful building).


It had lots of hands-on stuff for the kids, and the adults. My personal favorite was the restored Dickens Village (think Christmas Animatronics set in 1776). The last time I saw the full display was waaay back in the 70's. It was an annual Christmas event at Lit Bros. Department Store in the city.


Oh, and the indoor fully restored carousel... just stunning...


Sunday, we woke up to rain. And fog. And sleet. And more rain. We had tickets for the North Pole Express Train Ride. We met my brother, SIL, and the kids after a 90 minute drive, but it was well worth it.

It was the worst weather day... but you know what? It made for a great day anyway. Lots of rain meant people stayed in. Which meant we had a great time in a place that is normally packed with people.


The rain actually added character to the day. Doesn't it look Christmas-y?

David and my nephews were bowled over when Santa walked onto the train to present them with a Christmas sleigh bell... they looked terrified and elated at the same time.. lol


Afterwards we kicked back in a nearly empty brewpub, had great beer and pretty awesome burgers.

Yeah, it was a pretty cool weekend indeed.

Lastly... a fertility update: In case you all were missing my status posts on the donor egg cycle, well, get ready. Pre-work is complete, and the cash has been procured. Tomorrow is the appointment to delve into the Great Big Book of Donors. More to come...