Toxic Thursday

I was hungry this morning. My bagel-fix from Dunkin Donuts just didn't do it for me. So, I stood in front of the refigerator with the door open, waiting for something to yell, "over heeeeere! eat me!"

and I decided that sharp cheddar cheese was the way to go. You know, those individually wrapped pieces of loveliness that is cheese.

I love cheese.

So anyway, I sit down at my desk and open up the wrapping, fully expecting my mouth to feel satisfied once I chowed down.

But no.

Something did not taste right. It was bad, very bad.

And then I did the most un-ladylike thing I've done in ages, I spit it out right on the set of reports I was reviewing for work. My gross profit reports, ruined.

My cheese was in a very bad state of moldly toxic yuckiness. Green and yellow crud....and fuzz! ewwwwwwwwwww!!!

After two teeth brushings and countless gargling of listerine, I checked out the rest of the package of cheese- in date, white, seemingly ok.

I guess there is always a bad apple in the bunch.

That's what I get for snacking in-between meals. Damn you diet fairies. I was not cheating, it was only 3 points!

Work/Life Balance... a myth?

How many times has this subject been debated?

Not one to beat a dead horse, but I was thinking about this topic in the car the other day, and I wondered this:

Is it really possible to ever have your work life and personal life balance? Perhaps the greatest mystery in this topic is the fact that it may never be possible to have both ends of the scale even, E-V-E-R.

When I think about my work life, I have times where work is crazy and work is a shade less crazy. I work a full-time job, but in reality I can spend anywhere from 40-60 hours depending on the week and company deadlines.

To be honest, when I work a straight 40 hour week I feel just as behind the eight ball as I do when I log 50+ hours.

So the question really is, specific to your job role, at what point: 30, 40, 50 hours do you feel you can work towards balance in your personal life?

My answer is, for me, none of the above. My role requires a 40 hour minimum, and if I really play my cards right, I can stay in the 40-50 hour range most of the time.

Sure, I can sneak in a trip to the gym or to run an errand, but time lost during the day just means making up for it later in the evening or on the weekend.

Short of going part-time or a major job change, what is the alternative? Not sure if there is one, but I keep trying like most moms do.

And playing the lottery in hopes I win the big mega jackpot. lol.

Not as riveting as Pirates of the Caribbean, but exciting nonetheless

We had a very busy holiday weekend here.

Since S. had off a four day weekend, we spent much of it painting around the house. Primarily the kitchen. We had sealed in a wall that connected our old dining room which is now my office a YEAR ago, and the spackled new drywall remained for 12 months until this weekend.

Since Lowe's was having a paint sale, we decided that it was finally time to finish what we started. I am now convinced that the kitchen is THE hardest room to paint, considering what we thought would be a day or work turned into almost three.

I guess I should have shot a "before" photo, to truly admire how dark and danky the kitchen was. Half of it was a medium stone-brown and the other was blue. Our house is only 7 years old but the kitchen looked like a dungeon.

Behold the results, brighter and it looks clean!
We painted the ceilings and even the bead-board that the construction guys installed last year.Check one big item off the major to-do list.

Next items on the list, a new front door and landscaping around the patio. I'm already thinking of subbing out the landscaping. The reason we keep putting it off is it's sooo labor intensive. I mean, who really wants to shovel dirt in 90 degree weather?

The last LOST item, I swear

If this is not the funniest episode recap of Season 3 of Lost , I just don't know what is.

Enjoy, and have a happy holiday weekend!

Lost: season finale!

Oh my head hurts. I was up till 11pm last night watching the finale of Lost while also trying to watch the last hour of American Idol.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD,
do not read if you haven't watched last night's episode!!!


Who else's head is spinning?

A couple thoughts:

1. Why did Charlie die? Couldn't he have just ran out, let the looking glass flood and swim out? Or shut the door behind him? Here's my beef--- I would have rather seen Charlie die LAST week than this week. Because last week was just so tear-jerky and it would have been a better send off for Charlie.

2. WTF was up with that ending? I had an inkling early on into the episode that something was very odd about Jack's "flashback"? Are the remaining three seasons going to show "flash forwards?" or are they just focusing on what happens after they are rescued. Something tells me that Ben knew what he was talking about. I am fearful that all of my favorite characters are going to turn out BAD if that is the way it's going.
Also, Kate alluded to she was with a man, Sawyer?

3. Was that really Walt, or imaginary Walt?

4. I LOVED the scene where Hurley ran over the bad guys. And of course, that Sayid and Jin weren't shot after all.

5. Who was in the coffin? I am thinking Ben.

6. Did it seem to you that Jack alluded to the fact that his Dad was still alive in the flash-forward??? What the heck?

7. What's up with Naomi, is she bad..... and what about Penny??? Where the heck was she if not on the boat?

8. I am not into violence (don't get me wrong), but I LOVED when Jack beat the living sh*t out of Ben. The grand manipulator was finally put in his place.

I am more confused than ever. And I loved the episode. I just hope that this show isn't going towards the dark-side of Lost. Is this a space-time continuum storyline or are we know going to focus on what happened to the Losties after rescue???

And we have to wait until January, 2008 for more answers? arrgh!

What do you guys think??

My new baby, er, car

Behold its loveliness.

We finally went with the Ford Edge. Picked it up last night.

It has e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

My favorite part is the vista roof, the whole top of the car practically opens. And the fact that I didn't have to take a penny out of my pocket, and the lease is the same as my old SUV.

Just heavenly...

Friends of the infertile

This post title sounds like a support group, doesn't it?

I've been meaning to link to a post I read awhile back from a fellow blogger, Tertia, from So Close.

How to be Good Friends with an Infertile is one of those blog posts that knocks you down with a feather. Every word Tertia wrote had meaning to me.

The one thing I have found really difficult over the last couple of years is dealing with the dimwitted comments from acquaintances on the subject of my current state of pseudo-infertility. I say "pseudo" because I have been able to get pregnant multiple times in the last two years, we just can't hold on to a pregnancy. Comments range from the ever popular, "what's taking you so long?" to "it'll happen if you just don't think about it".
uh, yeah. I'll just stop thinking about trying, you really are a big help.

Thank goodness acquaintances are just that.... acquaintances.

As for the people I love and family/friends that are close to me, they tend to not bring up the subject of my current state at all anymore.... fearful that they may say the wrong thing or that I might cry at the drop of a hat. The fact is, I don't mind talking about it. This is a big part of my life at the moment.

I don't expect my 80 year old aunt to say or do the right things. I don't want to be treated like I am a fragile shell, or handled with kid gloves. I am a big girl. But occasionally I am pissed off at the outright insensitivity of people, and in reality, those people tend not to be my friends anyway.

But if you are a friend of mine IRL, it's worth noting that this article details everything I have felt and wished others knew.

Read it and share with others. Most of all, a friend.

Fly away

I had a fairly straightforward upbringing. My parents parented me evenhandedly, and my brother and I always knew right from wrong and complied to the rules of the house 98% of the time--- even as teenagers we "pushed" but we always knew our own limits and what our parents expected of us. My personal fear back then (and still now I guess) which drove me to make good decisions in life is that I never wanted to disappoint them.

A big emphasis my Dad bestowed on us growing up was that of teaching common sense. Because, he believed, "having common sense can set you on the right path even if you stray now and then".

I strayed a little in my late teens and college years. I was always a good girl, and never got into too much hot water... but add boy(s) to the picture and temporary insanity ensues.

The college years for me were freeing. It was the first time away from the confines of small-town suburbia, and I still managed to stay true to myself. I got a little wild now and then, but made good decisions because I could hear the voice of my dad in my head keeping me on the straight and narrow.

But boys, sheeesh.... my parents never seemed like they had the desire to warn me about how a boy can essentially erase all that logic and common sense from your head.

And when I think about all the borderline-bad decisions I made in my life they always has to do with a boy.

Hubby knows everything about my past. He knows all the boys. The long-term relationships, the fleeting ones. He knows all the skeletons too (there are a few), and he loves me just the same. He accepts my good and bad without question or judgement.

This weekend dredged up an old memory, one from the boy-archives in the years of insanity. Without going into detail, (because I can't.... some items are not to be blogged about and pressed into the internet for life long re-reading) suffice it to say that a totally bizarre coincidence impressed upon me that the path I chose in life is the right one. And God has a funny way of reminding you that decisions are not inheritly bad, they are just part of living and learning. You can forgive yourself for making decisions even when common sense has a negative consequence.

And this post is a shout-out to the guy upstairs. Thank for for reminding me that You would never hold that against me. For almost 20 years, I carried the burden, now I am finally ready to let it fly away.

And hubby, who knows my blog is here, but doesn't read it... thank you for helping me set it free. This is why I love you.

And, note to self: Dad was right.

Cool Giveaway!

Just learned about the most useful giveaway in history. Check out 5 Minutes for Mom and read about the 3M Nexcare Bandage Giveaway.

The winner receives a year's supply of bandages! (I think David could use a box a day).

I actually have one box of these in my medicine cabinet which my son goes gaga over (it's the Cars themed ones). Wait until I tell him they have pirate ones too. :)

What the heck are you waiting for?

Tale of two leases

My lease is almost up on my gas guzzling 2004 V8 Ford Explorer.

My goals for the next car.....
-no gas guzzler
-no ridiculous payment

And I don't want a "car".. meaning, sedan. And I don't want a honking big SUV either.

So since hubby works in the car business (and gets a deep discount) we started traipsing around the various dealers owned by his company. We are limited to only certain dealers, which makes it challenging. After endless evenings of visits and internet inventory browsing, we have come to the realization that leases are becoming ridiculous. For the same vehicle I have now, if I wanted to lease another one, I would have to pay $120 more a month.

NO WAY. buh-bye Explorer.

If we are paying a cheaper lease payment than the public, what the heck are the rest of you paying?

I have a fundamental dislike for leases, but since we are linked to the "biz", hubby always likes to buy one car and lease one. My car is the leased one.

I have rules about getting into a lease that I do not waiver on:

1. I WILL NOT put money down on a lease. This is the shadiest deal of the century for car dealers. If you are "renting" a car, there is never a good reason to put cash down on a lease. never. never. never.
2. I WILL NOT accept a lease more than 36-39 months in term. Why? Because most warranties end at 3 years, and who wants to buy new tires and brakes for a car you are GIVING BACK.

So we are at a crossroad of sorts. The car I really like is slightly above my budget (it's a Lincoln) but the morons won't pick up my remaining two lease payments I owe on the Explorer (at least right now...). This car is heavenly. It's the color I want. It has the options I want. I love this car. Behold....

The other car I am considering is the same vehicle essentially, but on the Ford platform. In my budget dollarwise, but looks a little cheaper design-wise (cause Lincolns are so much more snazzy), Ford will let me leave my lease today. They don't have my "ultimate"vehicle sitting on any of the lots. But it is a very nice car, just not 100% what I want.

The kicker here is it's the same lease company for the Lincoln and the Ford.... and I am already a customer..... but Lincoln won't pick up my payments because I currently own a Ford. WTF!?!

It's the same freaking company for gosh sakes.

So we are in a bit of a quandary. I am quite okay with letting it go and seeing what Ford pops on the lot hoping it's the one I want. We still have two months to go.

But S. is now in obsession mode. You have no idea what that's like. Sort like pulling a dog away from a big fat bone.

decisions, decisions....

Feelin' like a hot mess

arghhhhh... ever have one of those days? The kind where it's better to have stayed in bed and catch Maury Povich on TV?

I had my annual OB/GYN appointment this morning. Now, you all know that I hate that place, and not because I am one of those shy girls that dreads pap smears.

It's the place where pregnant women are in abundance. And, I am in no mood to sit in a room with a bunch of pregnant women when I am still as barren as the desert.

No sooner am I unclothed my OB, um, GYN comes in the room (Dr. D) and I begin bawling. Ok, not a full on cry, but enough to feel like an idiot with my wet eyes and runny nose. Waiting for my doctor to turn around and say, "sorry wrong exam room, there's a highly emotional wreck in that one."

She said, "let's talk, you look stressed". And we did. Most of the conversation being I just turned 39 in February and I am getting old (I'll be 40 next year!), and I am being treated at the fertility center you referred me to but the doctor there (who really is nice) won't give me meds until I lose another 10 pounds and I can't, and the stress of baby sex is killing me and now my cycles are getting longer (no doubt due to stress) and I just want a vanilla cream donut and an iced latte....

sigh... gulp

for crying out loud, what the heck.

After shit dribbled out of my mouth for 5 more minutes, she said... "take a deep breath. You are not running a race, this is a life marathon and you still have time on your side. Stress won't help you, you need to find a way to relax".

Clearly, she has forgotten that I am 2 years into this marathon, but I appreciated the sanity check. ok- in the moment I was pissed, but I can appreciate the thoughts now.

Then she told me to call Dr. P (my fertility doc) and demand that I start meds next cycle. "He's reasonable", she said, and "he won't turn you down if you simply say you've reached the end of your rope".

I've reached the end of my rope it seems. Once I was back in the safe confines of my car I cried the whole way home. I am disappointed in my body for failing me. I am sick of trying to get pregnant and sick of having the pregnancies result in miscarriages.

I know I've been avoiding blogging about my fertility woes lately (if for any reason just to pretend to myself that it doesn't matter), but dammit, this is my blog, and I need to vent. And it does matter.

Because I am not done with adding to my family. It hurts, and I feel like there is the most GIANT hole in my heart.

I thank God every day for having my sweet David and my husband in my life, but I feel like there is a family member still missing. And I just can't come to terms with dealing with this stress.

It's exhausting to be a hot mess.

Sigh............

Safety first!

It's almost summer, and it's that time of year for vacations and day-trips to fun family places.

Believe it or not, we have another trip planned this summer (as if our vacation last week wasn't enough!). We will be heading to Disney World in late August for our annual pilgrimage.

Now, normally I am a very easy-going Mommy in public places with my son. I give him room to roam while still keeping an intentive eye on him. But frankly, kids in theme parks can be a worrying place and downright scary, especially when the crowds are large. I mean, how many eyes can you have on your child(ren) at any given time?

I found a website with a cool idea. Actually, I first heard about this on "The View" some time ago, but I never blogged about it, so consider this a BagMomma PSA for child safety.

Who's Shoe ID is a nifty way to safeguard your child in the event of (god forbid) you lose track of them in a place like a theme park. No one likes to plan for emergencies, but I think it's a great idea to be prepared nonetheless.

Simply fill out the info and attach to your child's shoe. I plan to buy a couple myself. It's amazing how simple of an idea this is. So much easier that trying to get a four year old to memorize their address and phone number. Challenging isn't even the word for that!

Happy and safe travels my friends!

do I really, really have to??????

I am sounding like a whiny kid today, my first day back to work.

So far, I've read 100 e-mails from work, and have been able to fly under the radar without anyone pinging me. I figure they'll give me till after lunch to get my ass in gear and then IM's will start flying.

I am also grumpy because I have returned to the world of dieting. I took a little respite on vacation (although I never did get that ice cream I wanted), so it's back on the wagon today. I am s-t-a-r-v-i-n-g.

Someone throw me a cyber donut, please. I need a fix that yogurt just can't fill.

lol.

Oh, and I did go to the post office this morning and bought my 2 cent stamps. I am ready to catch up on some serious bill paying.

I am stressing out that I didn't have time yet to watch Lost, AI, DWTS, Greys Anatomy, or Heroes or any of my DVR'd stuff from last week. Although I did notice that Billy Ray Cyrus was booted off DWTS last week. Hallelujah for that. Don't tell me you ever thought he was a good dancer. And I hate his latest grunge look.... well at least he lost that mullet.

Off topic.

I still have not gone to the grocery store yet either. Shopping for food pains me. Especially when I am just back from vacation.

Come on, isn't my life utterly exciting????

You secretly wish you were me today, right?

aaaaaah, darnit. Someone is pinging me. Cripes. So much for easing into work.

The danger of being out of the loop for a week

Ok, I am an idiot. I just mailed a few items (one very important), and I had no idea the stamp increase was TODAY!

Does anyone know what happens to mail sent to businesses without sufficient postage? Will I get it back? Or am I screwed?

Grrrrrrrr.....

Vacation memories: I swear we are the Griswolds.

Have you missed me?

I have to say I certainly did not miss a week away from technology. I'm not back to work until tomorrow, so I still am feeling blissfully unaware of the reality of life.

Vacation was a mixed bag of oddity and lovely.

We arrived to Hilton Head Island in clouds and rain after our 11 hour road trip on I95. Let me tell you, if you are on the East coast, you know what I am talking about when I tell you North and South Carolina seem to go on f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

Not to mention we ate lunch at the ugliest Burger King east of the Mississippi.

The first couple days were not pool days. It was warm, but we had clouds and on and off showers Sunday and Monday. Thank goodness that there were activities for kids. David had a ball sitting in on crafting sessions and learning about the alligators and sharks in the Lowcountry.

That's what they call southern South Carolina ya'll.

Behold the sharks-tooth necklace made by David and me:



The last half of the week was better weather-wise, except for the low-pressure storm Andrea that crept in on Wednesday and brought wind and rain. It's not hurricane season yet, but leave it to our family to bring forth a highly-unlikely meteorological event during our vacation week.



S. almost broke his arm on our deck rocking too far back on a rocking chair.

And, did I mention that we all got trapped in an elevator?

Oh yes, the highlight of our trip. We had just spent a sunny Thursday at the beach and as we attempted to leave the beach house, we decided we were too lazy to walk down one flight of stairs, so we took the elevator... all seven of us.

David pressed the G (for Ground) button, and the doors closed. The elevator lurched and grinded.

And it stopped.

dead.

We press every button.

Nothing.

I begin to envision what it must be like to die in an elevator with my in-laws. It's hot, it's small, and my brother-in-law decides to freak the hell out. I am claustrophobic, but I tried to hold it together for David. My BIL was ready to crawl out the top.

Hubby uses the phone in the elevator box to call 9-1-1. We tell them we are trapped in an elevator. We know the fire station is a mere two blocks away, so we try to stay calm. It seems like forever, but they do come, after, I don't know.... 15 minutes???

"Step back from the door!" they yell. I am expecting a rescue from a movie, like seeing them cut the door open with a sodering iron or a saw. Instead they pry open the double doors.

To which, David sees the fireman, and says.... "Cooooooool!!!!"

After I regained composure, we got to take a few pictures with Fireman Tim. David was in heaven.

After that, we had one more day of sun and fun. We swam all day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Finally, after six days, I was relaxed.

By then it was time to leave. It took a mere 13 hours to get home.

As with most vacations, this one was fun, bizarre, stressful (at times) and as usual always interesting. We just don't do boring vacations around here.

David had a complete blast. He was in sheer heaven the whole week. It could have rained every single day and he wouldn't have cared. By the end of the week he was swimming on his own!! And, on Saturday, my little guy turned four.


No doubt, the memories from this vacation will never be lost. I have 250 photos to prove it.

Glad to be back!! (I think)

Putting up my feet...

It's that time friends, we are off for a week of relaxation!

Blog you later!

Sometimes helpless, but not always hopeless.

Let me preface this by saying, I hate technical support.

Of any kind, but especially the support from my own company I work for. We call them the Helpless Desk. Because they truly are of no help to me.

Why do I bring up such a lame topic?

I spent time with three (no, four if you count the one my husband had to call first) help desks/technical support centers this week.

Helpdesk number one. Remember the wine cellar I raved about a couple months ago? Still love it, sans the fact that it died on Sunday. No power. No chilling. It was in our house for a mere six weeks. Hubby was the lucky guy to call tech support that day. After 30 minutes (are you SURE it doesn't work???) duh!, they decided to replace it and ship us a new one. Hubby said dude on the line was surprisingly helpful.

Helpdesk number two. Remember my most favoritest coffee machine E-V-E-R? I blogged about it in February. I've used it every day since then. It's as close as you can get to loving an inanimate object. Guess what?? It died on Tuesday. I cried because I was just about to brew a cup of French Roast. I was insanely pissed. I called the help people for Keurig. They were nice, and knew I was in coffee withdrawal (so I didn't even have to get jiggy with them, lol, they were super sweet- that sure deflated my anger). They sent a replacement for my unit yesterday. I still love you Keurig.

Helpdesk number three. I bought a portable GPS unit over the holidays. It's really nice, and I love the fact that it is portable. We were excited to use it this weekend as we trek 750 miles to S.C. So, as any proactive person would do, I tried to update the maps in preparation for our trip. The boneheads who developed this product shipped it with an SD card with only 512MB capacity. The map and software already on the card reaches that capacity. You can't download a map without having a map already installed....So, how do you add a new map with no space?
I go and buy a new 2GB SD card. I load it, and GPS doesn't like it. So I call tech support, which informs me i can't use a card with more than 1GB. whaaaat? 4 hours later, my TomTom was fixed and ready to go with the new maps, after being on the phone troubleshooting with their Level 1 and 2 people. But they were really nice. Overly nice. So nice I can't complain that I spent most of my day yesterday with them.

So, I take it back.

Not all helpdesks are worthless. In fact, occasionally you run into very nice people who still believe in customer service. I was both surprised and strangely impressed.

Now if my own company could just straighten itself out. Do you think the nice TomTom guy can fix my wireless issues?

A prayer for Heather

If you have lurked around the blogosphere lately, you may have come across posts about Heather, and her recent battle with brain cancer. I've never met Heather, and have only known her through her wiritings, but I can say with absolute certainty that she is a Mom with strength beyond measure.

Today Heather is having surgery at the Mayo Clinic, and I wanted to just say that I am thinking and praying for her and her family today.

Stop by here to leave a prayer (Kelli, Living in Grace)...
... recent post by BooMama about Heather....
...link to Janice from Five Minutes for Mom

Happy birthday little man, my how you've grown!

David turns 4 years old next week!

oh, how time flies....

Since we will be on vacation, I wanted to take the opportunity here to wish my peanut the greatest birthday that ever was.

You make me laugh, and sometimes you make me cry (but only for a little while). lol.

When I think back to the day you were born, I remember holding you for the first time and making a promise to you that each day I will always try to be best mommy I can be. I will never go back on that promise.

You are the light of my life and I thank God for every. single. day. I have you in my life.

Mommy and Daddy just love you to pieces, Mr. Boo.

Happy Birthday.

Things that bug me

I swear, I'm not cranky. I've had this list floating in my head for awhile and I figure if I put pen to paper, em, fingers to keyboard, I can clear my mind.

Things/people that annoy the heck out of me:

1. People that do not use turn signals when driving
2. Litter
3. Irresponsible parents
4. Elisabeth Hasselbeck (don't get me started, once I get on a political rant it's hard to stop. Listening to her debate her love of Geo Bush and his policies make me want to jump through the TV)
5. Children with crappy manners (we all know the attention span of a toddler is short, I'm talking the chronic toddler-speak, "gimme that" "I want that")
6. Intolerance
7. Ziploc bags (the ones that don't have the dohickey gadget thing to close them)
8. My HP Printer that has a mind of it's own
9. Mean people
10. Computer passwords (I only have, like 50 of them, which I have to print out on paper to remember them, hence, negating the security of passwords).


aaaaah, I feel better now. So therapeutic.