The Thinker II

My little guy in deep thought... or just trying to think what trouble to get into next. :)

Because I can't stay away: Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day from my Google homepage:

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
- Rita Mae Brown

Thank goodness for my off-kilter friends, you are truly the reason I am sane!!

LOL

Time out

Over the next couple of days I may or may not post. I am in the throes of Q1 close at work and need to focus on my real job the next couple of days.

Wait, you mean blogging isn't your full-time job? lol

I may sneak in, have to see how it goes. If everything works out, I should have plenty of time to waste by Friday. hehe.

Home Sick

I am reminded all the time how nice it is to work from home. From my company (termed as a tangible benefit), from my family (Mom thinks I am saving millions of dollars in gas... far from the truth when you have a toddler in preschool 30 minutes away and you own a gas guzzling SUV), from friends (who exclaim I must be in "heaven" working from home), and even mere acquaintances who think working from home is so great because you work so hard at home (wink, wink).

The truth of working from home?

Yes, you do save gas, over the long term.

Yes, you can wear WHATEVER you want sitting at home. No one cares that you have a hole in your t-shirt.

You can accept deliveries from Fedex and the postman, without fear you won't be around to sign for something.

You can multitask (if you are really good) and throw in a load of laundry.

You can save money buying lunch out... however, if you are also a coffee addict like me, your AM/PM stops at Dunkin Donuts negates that savings.

You don't have to deal with annoying co-workers (unless they are in your immediate workgroup)

Sounds good right?

Here's the not-so-good points of working from home...

You work more. That's right. Now that you don't have the two-hour commute, you end up turning on the laptop at 6:30am, and work right thru the day. Have dinner with the family, put the little one to bed, and log more computer time.

Co-workers expect you to be available ALL THE TIME.. via e-mail, phone, IM.

Remember that nutritious lunch you had planned? You never eat it, because you got hung up on calls and when you looked up at the clock it was already 3pm .

The wash you started in the AM, is STILL in the washer (getting moldy) and you don't remember until the next morning.

If your little one is sick, you might as well take off too. No work gets done when a toddler is using your pens on your desk to write on important documents. Or worse, they overtake your laptop and instead of playing Blue's Clues they are reformatting your harddrive.

The bathroom is literally ten steps away, and you sit at your desk with a bladder about to burst.

Sometimes, yes, it's lonely... and you miss having co-workers around.

Instead of having office meetings nearby, now it requires jumping on a plane to have meetings (because everyone works at home and isn't nearby anymore).

Yep, working from home doesn't sound so attractive does it?

Working from home is a blessing and a curse.

Moms who have jobs and have not had the opportunity to work from home think that getting that golden ticket to work in your pj's is a dream. They dream of working a little, cleaning a little, cooking a little, and sneaking in the hair appointments.

The reality is that most Moms who work from home still need full-time childcare. They find it hard to schedule that salon appointment. Letting the dog out to pee interferes with your conference calls. Cleaning the house? Forget about it.

Unless you are self-employed or extremely disciplined with a job that doesn't require full attention, working from home is not a picnic.

When I think back 4 years ago, to the times that I commuted a total of 3 1/2 hours round trip per day, I think WOW, I am so happy I don't have to do that anymore!

BUT...I secretly wish that I still had to go into an office (just once in awhile), if not for anything, to just give me an excuse to dress up and see people in person. To waste some time at the watercooler, and grab lunch with my co-workers. To use my suits and wear heels.

ooops...

excuse me, I have to go... in the time it took me to type this post, I have 4 IM's and the phone rang twice.

Duty calls.....

:)

Would you be having Dove or Irish Spring this evening?

Last night David was brushing his teeth (S. was in there with him) and he came out of the bathroom and said...

"Mommy, Daddy said he's f*&king done." "I think we need to wash his mouth out with soap!"

You know, it's bad enough that David knows the bad words, thankfully, I have gotten it into his head that he should not speak them. Especially in school or to Grandmas and Grandpas.

However, he has deemed himself the potty mouth police and is now ratting out his own father.

I love it.

The source of the potty words come primarily from S. He works in the auto business where a sentence isn't a sentence without a four-letter word in it. He tries to keep it in check when he gets home, but he just has a habit of slipping up every once in awhile.

Unfortunately, he always manages to slip up in front of his son.

I know S. feels bad about it.

What's that old saying, "Do as I say but not as I do"?

S. is such a good role model and dad to David. I just wish he could put the brakes on the language.

After all, I manage to think about what I say (before I say it) in front of David... of course, I am perfect you know. lol.

And I never tasted a bar of soap! :)

Random thoughts

Sigh... another day, another week with Sanjaya. lol. I am not surprised that Stephanie was eliminated on AI last night, but Chris was in the bottom TWO? Are you kidding me?????

Happy Birthday Mr. Rogers. You were a big part of my childhood, and I wish you were still around for my son's. Children's programming has never been the same.

And the poor get poorer. Christ, you can't even count on a teacher to be a child's role model anymore.

Come on, group hug all around!

Truer words have never been spoken

[click on comic to enlarge]

Bad luck, Part Deux

Well, S. and I went to our 2nd consultation with the RE yesterday.

I was hoping that there would be a "smoking gun" that would put all the questions to rest. Everyone would say "aaaaaaaah, so that's why your can't get pregnant quickly and hold onto a pregnancy!" , we would treat it, and go on our merry way.

But of course not.

We talked about the issue of my one tube being "possibly" blocked, and that could be a reason why it's taking longer to get pregnant, but that does not play at all into the pregnancy losses I've had.

My bloodwork was all normal. They suspected maybe PCOS since my one ovary was "suspicious", but nothing else spoke to that diagnosis. My fasting blood sugar was 88 and insulin was 10. Normal.

My Day 3 bloodwork, normal. I was so wrapped up into thinking I may be in early menopause, but FSH was great, and follie count was quite good for my age under u/s. observation.

He said that when they checked my progesterone last month, it was just a little on the low side. Previously, my progesterone has been really great... but he indicated that it is very much a moving target. And perhaps supplementing with progesterone in the next cycle is a good idea (just in case).

My RE proclaimed, "Looking at all of your diagnostic testing leads me to believe that you have a better than average chance that you will get pregnant and you will have a viable baby".

and... then... wait for it..............

"I know you probably don't want to hear it, but you really seem to just be running into bad luck lately."

There it is again.

That "bad luck" diagnosis.

S. and I looked at each other, and smiled a crooked smile. Not the first time a doctor has said that to us.

So, what now???

Well, Dr. P. want me to lose a little more weight. It's quite possible that my weight does play a factor in all of this, and I am willing to admit that. After all, I am carrying too much weight... no argument there (I could stand to lose another 50 pounds in addition to the 10 I lost so far).

He wants me to strive for 10 more over the next 6 weeks. Losing 10 more pounds puts me back to the weight I was when I conceived David, and it's a mental thing for me too.

Then, we will try a couple cycles of clomid to "boost" my ovulation, and progesterone in the 2WW...

So right now, I am still in full weight loss mode. It won't take me more than a month to lose another ten, so it gives me something to focus on other than obsessing about my cycles, plus it's good for me no matter if it affects my fertility or not.

So, we keep moving forward.

The latest addition to BagMomma's closet

Here's my latest addition to my ever-growing closet of handbags...

This was a biggie (dollar wise), and I rationalized my purchase because...
1. I got a VIP invite to the Coach store for 25% off anything I bought yesterday.
2. I had a $200 Amex GC from the holidays.
3. I am using my bonus from work to cover it.

I also picked up sunglasses too.

You should feel the suede, very nice. I don't think I can keep this as my everyday bag, but it's camel colored, so it should get a lot of mileage thru Spring, and into Summer.

I am just so weak when I am in the Coach store. It's an addicition with no cure.

Join the MWM!

My Mom gave me this picture a few weeks ago.

This is a picture of my Dad and me at my 5th birthday party... see the Barbie doll cake on the table???? My Mom took a cake decorating class to make that (somewhere around the time she also dabbled in ceramics... my Mom was crafty for sure).

That was the year my Mom and Dad bought me a Barbie Corvette. After everyone left the party, I just drove and drove in circles around our little basement.

We all marveled at how my Dad actually had hair back then, and how young he looked.

Well, duh, I thought... he was really young. With some quick math I figured out he was 26 in this picture. oooooh my......

When I was 26 I had just gotten engaged with S. We were married at 27.

Babies weren't even close on the radar.

and here I am... just turned 39. Hubby will be 4-0 this year!

He has a persistent fear that people will think he is his son's Grandpa, not his Dad.
So silly. Maybe he thinks it's his gray hair. I think he looks great, and he looks as youthful as any guy around 40.

So, as we step futher into this fertility drama, I wonder if my hopes of having another child will happen before I am 40. Who knew I would be here in this predictament. I could care less about the fact that I will be an older Mom. I already am, really... having had David at the age of 35.

But I look around me, and there sure are a LOT of people like me.

Sure, I run into the occasional Mom at preschool that is 24 with 3 kids. I say a blessing silently to those young Moms, that they grow into parenthood with no regrets. I secretly dispise them for having as much energy as their kids. lol.

On the flip side, it's nice to run into the Moms closer in age to myself. We arrive at the preschool with the kid(s), the lunchbox, the backpack... juggling a cell phone, blackberry, purse... and can barely climb the stairs to the 2nd floor in one piece without stepping up that last step with the biggest SIGHHHHH in the world. (oh, my aching back) We give each other that "knowing" look... yep, it's hard to be a MWM (Mom With Mileage).

We are women who still feel like we are 21, but trapped in an aging body. Is that the cruel joke of aging? The fact that I still can dance to Justin Timberlake with my iPod, but I need an ice pack later that night??

ok, I am embellishing about the ice pack, but I feeeeeeel it in my bones. I am not 21 anymore, however I refuse to believe it.

I hope/pray that I live a very long life, not just for me, but for David.

Because when he's 26, I'll be 61. (shudder)

Dang, that is old. I better start saving for that first face-lift.

Random thoughts

AI last night.....sigh.... where o where do I begin??? I still hold to my prediction that 3 boys will be the first to go home on American Idol. Unfortunately, we are stuck with Sanjaya and his hair for another week. Once again people.... WHY are you voting for this guy???????

I'm okay with celebs getting their free grab bags of gifts at every turn, but I think it should stop here. If I wanted to adopt a child (which I'm seriously still considering), I would be waiting the better part of 18 months to two years. Angelina picks out kids like I pick out handbags.

DID you watch LOST last night??? Holy cow, this is finally getting good. Check out Shannon's commentary. Don't click the link if you haven't watched your DVR'ed or TIVO'd episode yet.

For the newer mamas out there, check out my bloggy friend Kim's diaper clutch wristlet. She is a very talented handbag designer... and Kim, if you are reading this, if and when I have a need for diapers again (hopefully soon god willing), I'll be signing up for two of these. So darn cute!!!

Got any weekend plans? I actually do for once. Tomorrow, S. and I are heading to a local winery for the weekend for an overnight getaway with my brothers-in-law and their lovely wives (hi, J!) They have an inn on the property, so you know what I'll be doing tomorrow night.... vast quantities of food and drink. Do you think I should count the WW points or not? lol.

It's a beautiful day

For my concerned readers... I am feeling much better today.

And, it's sunny and warm in the Northeast today, which puts me in a pretty darn good mood. Nothing like opening a window and breathing in the fresh air for a change.

Listening to the birds singing in the trees.

Spring is here.

Put down the windows, turn up the car stereo, and rock it out.

The post in which I tell you I still feel like someone sucker punched my abdomen

I just had to let that out.

That is all.

Too bad it's Monday, I could have called it Torture Tuesday

What a better way to start the day than subjecting oneself to an outpatient procedure on a Monday.

After the DST time change, when you are grumpy already because you are -1 hour of sleep.

So, I had my HSG today. It was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that I have a cervix that likes to hide (thanks Doc).

After 15 minutes of playing hide and go seek with my female parts, Dr. P inserted the dye and discovered that my left tube is wonderfully open. My right tube is questionable.

No dye traveled into the right tube, so the assumption is that it is blocked. Dr. P is an RE brimming with positivity, so he proclaimed that just because the dye didn't travel through there, all hope is not lost and there's a significant possibility that it is just fine. Could be a spasm or the dye just liked traveling to the left better.....

... and then.....why exactly did I torture myself this morning then?

Ok, I'm not being sarcastic. I love my RE. I guess that all this diagnostic stuff is what it is, (this is what I am paying him for) so I won't go stomping off yet.

Then S. met with Dr. P and they had manly conversation while I was very uncomfortable in my nice blue 3 armed hospital gown.

No one said how horrific the cramps would be afterward. I am a bit of a patsy with pain, so I toughed it out as we walked out of the hospital. Cramps only lasted an hour.

It's 4 hours later and here I am blogging about it, so not all that bad I guess. Seriously, Dr. P was not really overly-concerned about the results, so I am ok with that. He asked me to call his office and set up another consult for our master plan.

Blocked tube or no, I have plenty of reasons to be optimistic I guess.

I'm off to pick up some antibiotics and the toddler.

Catch ya tomorrow friends!

Free Starbucks!

Next Thursday, on the 15th... "March" (hehe) yourself over to your nearest Starbucks for FREE coffee!

Starbucks will be holding their 2nd annual Coffee Break between 10am and 12pm.

What could be better?

The upside to not being pregnant, yup there is one...

Wine.

In copious amounts. Preferably red, or my favorite Riesling. I don't discriminate. As long as it doesn't come in a box, that's alright with me.

Now, don't get any ideas in your pretty little head. I am definitely a social drinker "on-occasion". I'm not swilling the bottle every night (although lately, the thought has crossed my mind, lol). I like to indulge in a new bottle on the weekends. After 2-3 glasses I am pretty much shot anyway (cheap date, sue me). Nevertheless, I do like wine, and recently I have also converted hubby to wine as well.

We just recently cleaned out the unfinished side of our basement, and for the first time since we moved here 7 years ago, we finally have everything in order. In fact, we did such a good job cleaning the unfinsihed half, I am now wishing we finished more of the good side.

Anyhoo, the reason I mention this is our basement has served as our wine cellar. I had a couple assorted wine racks for the reds (because we mostly buy red), and a couple bottles of white that usually end up in the basement fridge to chill.

I always wanted a wine cellar, on it's own. I don't know why we never bought one, we just didn't. Of course once hubby declares himself a wine connoisseur, we certainly need one now. [my eyes are rolling]

My BIL (brother-in-law) D. bought a nice one we liked for $250 over the holidays. It's tall, rather than boxy, and we liked it since it would fit nicely in the corner. He got his at Home Depot on-line, but he got it at a good time when it was on sale with free shipping. So we waited, and waited. A couple days ago, I decide, gosh darn it, I want one.

I went to pricegrabber.com, typed in the product name and model. And, viola! one came up for $129, no sales tax, $9 shipping.

whaaaaaaaat?????

Back it up.

So, I am thinking... could this price be real? Is it really the same, exact wine cellar? Is it used, I mean, what the heck.....?!? How could the price be that low? It's a scam, right?

We think, what the hell, it's not like we are buying the Hope Diamond for crying out loud. What do we have to lose?

We ordered it on Sunday, and Tuesday morning, UPS man brought me my wine cellar.

Hubby was still unconvinced. We figured we'd open it and the door would be shattered, or there would be a foul stench upon opening the door. Or there would be a note inside that would exclaim "gotcha!" with a couple bricks.



Nope. It was p-e-r-f-e-c-t.

So, now, along with my other newest appliance that I love (my Keurig coffee maker), I now have a new love, the Haier Thermal Electric Wine Cellar.

God bless you pricegrabber.com

They don't call it hump day for nothin'

I have so much going on in my life at the moment. All the hub-bub has dried up my inspiration for blog topics.

Which is funny since I rarely have an occasion where I have nothing to say.

What been on my mind you ask? Did you ask? If you didn't, just keep your mouth shut, lol.

Stress from the gazillions of doctor and lab appointments in the last couple weeks.
Promotion at work (blessing and a curse).
Training replacement at work (because I wasn't smart enough to leave the divison entirely, so I still have "ownership" to my old position).
Toddler David has been exercising his free-will in the last couple of weeks to challenge EVERYTHING we (S. and I) say (hmm, bet there's a good bloggy topic in there).

Okay now, everyone think in unison.... awwwwwwwwwwww.

It's Wednesday, friends.

Talk amongst yourselves...

Random thoughts

Scary to say, but I've actually also wondered whatever happened to Roosevelt Franklin.

You know the world's gone to hell in a handbasket when Kevin Federline becomes a role model for Dads.

Bec, sad to say, I've also been a recipient of this same gift. lol.

Ree, I am so with you!!!!!!

A little inspiration

Yesterday, I had my u/s at the RE's office. The good news, no cysts or anything that may be hindering me on the fertility front.

Bloodwork, all done. Results still not known.

Next Monday is the HSG, which will complete the picture for testing. After the HSG is done, we will have a bonifide plan of action.

I am happy that Dr. P has me on this accelerated pace. It makes me feel like I am moving towards my goal.

As I was driving home yesterday, I passed the most peculiar sign on the way home. It was a quote that someone put on the local elementary school announcement board (you know, the kind of sign that you can slide letters on and off).

"The world says it's not possible... but hope whispers to try it one more time."

To be honest I would expect to maybe see that in front of a church, it was odd that someone spelled it out on the school sign.

Nevertheless, it was a dose of inspiration well received!

Because I like my Mondays slow and easy

I am exhausted from this weekend, so today's post is just for fun.

I got this litte gadget from Kim:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Woo hoo, it's a party!

5 Minutes for Mom is hosting a really cool party over at their place. Please take some time to stop in to meet fellow bloggers and participate in the bloggity fun! You might just win a prize!

Remembering to not forget

Dory: No. No, you can't... STOP. Please don't go away. Please?
No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home.
Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget.

This line, if you haven't figured it out already, is from Finding Nemo. One of David's favorite movies. One of mine too.

I remember hearing this line for the first time, and my stomach just twisted in knots. It struck a chord with me. It reminded me of so many times in my life when I just was grasping at straws wondering how did I get here? Am I on the right path?

Wanting to be alone sometimes, and yet not wanting to truly be alone.

Fearful of forgetting... past mistakes, regrets, the highs and lows of my life.

I have always been a reflective person. My memories comfort me when I am sad, they reassure me when I am scared. I read once that when a person experiences deja-vu, it is the subconscious letting you know that you are on the right path. True? ....who knows. I do believe that we all have somewhat of a path to take through life, and how we get to where we're going is on us.

"The easy way....or the hard way," as my Dad would say.

Sometimes memories bring regrets... the road not taken, the missed opportunity, the insecurity of being.

My Grandmother died four years ago, and it is was horrifically sad for my family. One of the last peaceful memories I have of her in those final weeks is giving her a manicure in the hospital. As I was filing her nails, she looked down and said, "Our hands look the same, don't they?" Odd thing was I thought the same exact thing at the same time as she did. I continued filing her nails, holding back tears. Maybe I remembered that moment because it was the first time I acknowledged there was little time left with her.

There are so many ways I am exactly like my Grandmother... green eyes, hands, and all. I try to remember her voice, and I can hear the way she would say, "Hi, Shelli" on the phone, or when she enjoyed something she was eating, she would say "mmm...delicious!" in a way only I can hear in my head now.

I so don't want to forget that, and I remind myself to think about it just to remember.

So crazy.

Often, at night when all is quiet and David is just about to drift off to sleep, we sit in the recliner together, quietly or with the sound of the television. He snuggles in my arm and I look down at his eyes.

I am instantly propelled back to the day he was born. It reminds me of the first time I saw him (after the morphine wore off, lol)... Nurse rolling the bassinet into the hospital room... looking over from my bed and seeing his face. He is REALLY, REALLY mine, isn't he?

Yes, I remember.... like it was yesterday.

He loves to hold his hand up to mine, and talk about how his hands will be bigger than mine "someday, Mommy, when I am a big kid"... and how soft and pretty my hands are. I always say to him... "I got my hands from Great Grandma".

Sad to say, he never met Great Grandma, I know she would have loved to meet him.

But in that moment as I remember... it seems all three of us do too.

Get LOST

As in the TV show, that is.

I have been addicted to this show just as much as I've been addicted to walking in the kitchen and opening my fridge for no reason (if you are not an emotional eater on WW at the moment, you will NOT understand that comment)...

Anyway, since Lost now airs at 10pm ET I go through this weekly ritual now. Watch American Idol (Antonella still can't sing btw) and then TRY to stay awake until 10pm.

I've only been able to keep my eyes open twice, but thanks to DVR (love ya honey) I can now watch it whenever I want in its HDTV glory.

Before I started work today, and after I dropped off David at school, I watched the episode with my Dunkin Donuts coffee (shhhhhhh....)

I am one of those Lost viewers that has been slightly annoyed that the writers still can't throw the TV audience a bone lately. I am all for mysteries.. but I get a little peeved if I don't get some sort of ability to connect the dots on an outstanding question.

Hello? Remember Penny Widmore at the North Pole with the two scientist guys from last season's finale??? Like, 12 episodes and a year ago? What's with that??

But I digress.

Last night's Hurley-centric episode answered nothing really... but I loved it. It was FUNNY and LIGHT-HEARTED and my favorite part was Sawyer's little comments to Hurley, Charlie and Jin. To Jin: "Looks like somebody's hooked on Phonics" To Hurley: "Hey, Snuffy" "What's Jiminy Cricket doin' here?"

As Sawyer and Jin pushed the van, I was waiting for him to say something like... "There goes Scooby and Shaggy in the Mystery Machine, those crazy kids..." well, he didn't, but it was all good.

It's nice to see the writers lighten up a little. And watching them drive that van in circles was a hoot. Hurley is one of my favorite characters, and I loved the idea of Hurley regaining his faith.

"You can make you own luck" as Hurley said. Indeed, something I should remember.