Happy Halloween

David went to preschool this morning dressed as a skeleton. Later, he is getting dressed up as a pirate, but he doesn't refer to the costume as a pirate.... he's going to be Johnny Depp!

Have a safe and happy Halloween.

Mischief Monday

October 30th.

Back in the day, that was when all my "bad" friends decidedly got into all kinds of mischief. Usually the toilet paper kind. Not me of course, I was too much of a good girl to get caught egging the teachers house.

But it was innocent mischief. Not much innocence happening these days. A couple of the local townships have instituted a curfew for today as well as Halloween.

Gone are the days of walking out to your car in the morning to find a local kid used a bar or soap on your windshield. Now we are talking property damage and the fear of the "bad kids" (and adults!) setting fires, breaking into cars, and participating in criminal offenses.

Where is the love people???

Have a safe and trouble-free mischief night.

Forget about the last two weeks!

This is David's favorite song. We love our Eagles team around here. Who cares that they royally sucked the last two weeks, there's always another Sunday!

Commence chant....!

TGIF

Enjoy your weekend friends.

Doesn't my little guy look like he's having fun? This was from a hayride last weekend at yet another farm. David just can't get enough of cows and tractors. Future farmer I suppose.

Countdown: T-2 Months

That's right folks, two months until Christmas. Scary, no???

Now go forth and start shopping!

Messages from above

I like to believe that we are the director of our own lives, but it seems that meaning pops up in the most unique ways to remind us of our direction, and sometimes to deliver a lesson to set us off in a different direction.

I received a call from my Mom yesterday bearing bad news. A close family friend was diagnosed with cancer and given a 3 month death sentence. My Mom, distraught, went on to explain that this good friend had late stage cancer of the bladder that had spread to other organs, resulting in a terminal diagnosis. He had symptoms over the last year or so, but begged them off for some unknown reason.

Why did this hit home for me? Well, my Dad has also been diagnosed with bladder cancer. A year ago. At first, it was graded as a low-grade tumor, and removed. He then had subsequent treatments designed to "kill" the cancer cells that could still be hanging around in his bladder.

My Dad had another biopsy a few weeks ago, and, unfortunately the cells were still there. Not really a good outcome, but, the cancer is confined to his bladder. He still has many options.

My Mom and Dad's friend did not know about my Dad's illness until yesterday. Essentially, they were both suffering from the same type cancer, at very different stages.... they just didn't know it.

My Dad is a businessman, he is the strongest person I know (mentally and physically). He did not want many people to know of his cancer. He didn't want to open up and talk about what he fears most. He was crushed to hear about his friend's prognosis. More crushed that his reality collided with another... a friend. But strangely, he now has someone to talk to, and who undoubtably needs him too.

When I called my Mom today to check up on them, she said Dad was going to see Charles.

Is it coincidence? Possibly. Or perhaps a lesson that can only be shared with a loved one who has walked in your shoes. Cherish each day, surround yourself with friends and family. Listen and share.

And by all means, be open to the unexplainable and trust in the purpose it delivers.

Serving number 87

I need a virtual number thingie like they have at the deli.

"Form a line please, single file! I will get to you. Please be patient."

Moms are expected to be patient, and I have to tell you, I'm pretty good at being patient with my son.... it's the rest of the world that is impatient with me.

Everyone needs/wants something, and often I am annoyed that people become so impatient all the time. I spend most of my day serving others, and talking down others from their hurried-pace... "slow-down, have some patience!"

I think Moms become pre-wired with the patience gene that activates when you have children. Unfortunately, most women lose it when they get older. Come on, don't pretend you don't know... haven't you noticed every woman (over the age of 65 or so) eventually suffers complete meltdowns of patience. Ever stand in the pharmacy wait line when an older lady needs her heart medicine refilled???

Most men, no patience.
Children, definitely no patience.
Co-workers, limited patience.
People driving cars during the morning rush hour, no patience.

I am a woman of my word. If I tell you something will be done, it will be done complete and in the proper manner. I am swift, I am efficient.

Just don't get impatient with me.

If you do, I guarantee you will move to the absolute bottom of my list. Sorta like when the number thingie runs out of numbers at the deli.

Oooops.

Too bad for you!

hah

POAS Syndrome Defined

Not that I am dying to test or anything, I just thought this was cute! Click on the image to enlarge the picture.

Art by David

Every so often, David brings home artwork from preschool. He is always so excited to say, "Mommy I MADE this!"

Thought I'd share some of his masterpieces once in awhile. If anything, this will serve as a record of his talent long after the garbage can eats them, or after they are crumpled and stuck at the bottom of his toy box.

The longest wait

The 2WW is the longest two weeks for a woman on a mission to have a baby. I was very fortunate to have my first pregnancy come so easy. I guess I "missed out" on the obsessive part of TTC(trying to conceive). Boy, am I getting that back in spades now.

Each month revolves in the same fashion:
new cycle
excitement
wait for ovulation
wait 2 weeks
hope and pray
test
disappointment
start over

I have an OB/GYN visit looming in the near future to uncover any issues. Part of me wishes I had none, but the other part says YES tell me that I have some sort of defect that I can fix. I'm a fixer and a perfectionist, so I live in the world of concrete answers.

Don't paint me a picture... just give me the facts.

I guess that is why I am so uncomfortable in this limbo right now. I was so sure I'd be pregnant again soon after the miscarriage. I thought, yeah, 4 months... tops. Well, the fact is time really does a number on you with a failed pregnancy. I was pregnant for three months before I found out it wasn't viable. The biggest let down.

Then I had to wait two months to get the plumbing back on track. Truth be told, I needed those two months to heal mentally, and I am glad I waited it out. So, we started trying again in June.

And, here we are again. November is just around the bend. Wow, if I only could have seen the future back then.

Oddly, it seems like eons ago. Like another life almost, and yet it's only been a year.

We are planning a family trip in May. It's like the whole world hinges on the thought, "I could be pregnant then so...." I can't do that anymore. And although it's exhilarating to be freed from the ball and chain of scheduling to the calendar.... I feel like I am giving up on myself too soon.

I don't want to give up on me.

I was just thinking that I really, really don't feel like I could be pregnant this cycle. I keep trying to remember what it feels like when I was newly pg, and I just can't remember, and it drives me crazy. I want to know yet I don't want to know.

I'm tired of being the odd-woman out. But I never seem to tire of the idea that my dream is just around the corner.

Conflicted? Absolutely.
Hopeful? Hell yeah, that's all I've got.

I need a Personal Shopper

I'll admit it, I'm not even close to Supermom status. But what's a Mom to do when she can't cover all the bases, so to speak??

Right now, I am working, washing a load of laundry, and looking into my bare fridge trying to figure out what to make for dinner.

I suck at planning meals, which is pretty remarkable since I have such an obsession with food. I love to cook (if I had the time), but what I really HATE is food shopping. It makes my skin crawl. Pushing that damn cart and praying I'm not stuck at the deli counter for an hour,. Getting to the register only to find people still write CHECKS to buy groceries.... geez, have you ever heard of a freaking debit card or CASH????

Then I have to tote a trunk full of groceries home before the ice cream melts and find room to shove the food into my pantry. I mean, come on, who likes this crap???

I tried online food shopping. It's pretty good for some items, but not all. I like to pick out my own produce and check the expiration dates on the items, and that isn't possible in the home delivery scenario. So, it's like half shopping... I still have to go to the store anyway.

It seems I have the ability to do multiple tasks at home, but when I need to get in the SUV and go to a store, that's when my candle burns out. I just don't have the time.

I need a personal shopper. Someone who shops like me, thinks like me, and has the same tastes as me. Someone who knows the difference between a good pineapple and a bad one. Someone who will shop for birthday gifts and Christmas presents. Someone I can hand my Thanksgiving menu to and say.. "Go get this stuff".

I know, I know... not possible. One, because I am not rich enough to hire someone (and where do you find someone to do this stuff if your not a celebrity in LA?) and TWO, I guess I am a bit of a perfectionist.

I get blazing angry when someone bags my groceries and puts my cold items in with the cans. Or worse, putting dryer sheets in with my deli items (yeah, that really happened and I just about lost my mind).

Hubby thinks I overthink this whole thing. He is willing to go shopping with me, but he works like a dog too... so we resort to frequenting grocery stores at high noon on a Saturday. Not the best time to shop to avoid crowds and obnoxious jerks.

Oh well, time to decide what's for dinner. I'm thinking pizza.

Crack for Moms

And, no, drugs have never entered the body of this Mom, but I have to imagine that it might feel like a trip to the holiest of chain department stores...

TARGET

I spend way too much time and money in this store. It's like a bad habit that just keeps pulling you in. Like a candy bowl full of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on Halloween, or a bag of lightly salted potato chips, or a Coach store. hehe. You can't not put you hand in the candy dish...

I have TWO Targets in a 7 mile vicinity. My first Target, and now, my new Target. Which has AMAZINGLY a Starbucks in it!!! Holy god, it's like they built it just for me!!!

So, let me confess right now. I shop at Target pretty much 3-4 times a month. Usually it's one larger trip (for things I actually NEED), and then smaller trips for the things I really don't need, but are nice to have.

When the hoildays roll around, I can pretty much set up camp in the seasonal section. My thing is the cute little gift bags and boxes. I end up buying more than people I have gifts to give to.

I also love their little grocery section... it knocks off time when I can pick up bread and milk there.

I don't think there is an area of the store I don't like, except maybe the automotive stuff. Even a bottle of car wash looks attractive on a Target shelf.

I wonder how many other Moms out there feel the same? Seems every time I go there, I see other Moms with tots (or alone if they are lucky).. we give each other those knowing glances, and if perhaps conversation ensues, we end up talking about how much $ we spend there. It's like a Mom cult.

Target is my safe-haven, my little escape from the mundane. I think I even converted my husband to loving Target... now that is something! He loves to wander the cleaning supplies, and of course, the tools and automotive. Of course the only drawback is I end up spending even MORE money with him along. Ladies, leave your significant others at home....

More stuff you can buy for yourself!!!

Mine, mine, it's all mine!

Finally, I have a grown-up office and dining room. YAY!!!

A Chilly Monday in October

It's cold here. Don't get me wrong, I love the Fall. The crispness of the air... pumpkins, hot apple cider, hayrides.

But this morning we woke up to a chilly 28 degrees, and it's just freaking cold.

I didn't even have David prepared to go to preschool. Today is picture day at school, so I focused more on getting him into a nice outfit rather than watching the news for the weather forecast.

We got in the car (in the garage), and as we pull out and start driving down the road, I see the outside temp gauge registering 30 degrees. Had to turn the car around and go back in the house for his heavier coat. I'm sure if I pulled up at school with David in just a zip-up sweatshirt one of the Moms would give me that look.

I was pretty productive over the weekend. Got the Halloween decor out. Cleaned the oven. Set up my new office. Monday always seems to come too soon.

And now, I am writing my first post on my blog in my dream office with my HOT cup of coffee. Niiiiice.

So, yeah, it's Monday, but it's not too bad.

Top of the World

I have always had a weird attraction to Mt. Everest. Or, rather, people with the stones (and the cash) to climb to the top of the world.

I've often commented to friends and family that I am absolutely sure that I was a mountaineer in a previous life.

Perhaps it's the danger. Or, maybe the idea that on the top of a mountain (whether it be Mt. Hood or Mt. Everest) there is a solitude, sort of a disconnectedness to the world yet seeing the world as it really is.. or was.... raw nature.

I can't even say that I am an outdoorsy person. Camping? not really my style. I don't thing my prada shoes would fit in.

Once, hubby and I did some really beginner rock climbing down in Shenandoah. We were hiking to see waterfalls, but instead we ended up on the "rock scramble" trail. It was so much fun. I think I remember standing at the top of a very precarious rock formation and looking down into the valley, doing my "Rocky" impression.... fists in the air. Yeah!!!

In 1997 the software company I worked for launched an expedition to Everest. The "Colliers Lotus Everest Expedition". Some of the people I worked with had the opportunity to go to Everest Base Camp to set up technology to chronicle some of the climbs. One of my coworkers actually made it to the top. We had this video stream from base camp that we could access daily for pictures, video, and journals. I spent hours on that site, imagining it could have been me. That picture up at the top is from the peak. The group photo is from base camp.

Three years ago, I went to a convention with my Dad's business, and met an inspirational speaker, Beck Weathers, from the Everest Expedition in the Spring of 1996 when all those people died up on Mt. Everest. This guy was an adventure seeker, and ended up on the adventure of his life (FOR his life). He was left for dead on that mountain. And somehow made it back. Many of his extremities where later amputated from frostbite, most notably, his nose. I was mesmerized by his speech and further mesmerized meeting him in person.

I have books on the subject which I collect, and if a documentary is on the Discovery channel, or National Geographic, I do not miss it.

The draw is so strong, but the reality is that for me, this simply remains a dream. I live that life vicariously through others.

You know that "get-to-know-you" game where you're supposed to divulge the one thing you'd want to do or be, if you could do anything in the world and be good at it?

Imagine the look people give me when I say I want to climb Mt. Everest.

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Furniture frenzy

So, I've been working on remodeling the house a bit. Last winter, we finished the basement and made a playroom/family room. And, I am still in the process of converting my old dining room to my office/study. The old living room becomes the new dining room.

So, the paint has dried and everything is set except for the furniture. I have been married for 12 years and have never had a dining room set. I've also been working at home for the last 6 years with a crappy old IKEA desk in the 3rd bedroom upstairs.

You can imagine my excitement of having my own office, and actually being able to seat my family for Thanksgiving this year. A table that (comfortably) seats 10!!!

So, I finally did it. I ordered my dream dining room and office furniture. It was pretty expensive (thank goodness for no-interest financing until 2009).

And surprise, it's being delivered tomorrow!

I absolutely cannot wait, and I feel like a total dork being so excited about furniture. I will finally have a whole home.

Priceless!!!!!!

Woo Hoo!

As a die hard Eagles fan, I just have to give a shout out to my team for a great game yesterday against those silly Cowboys.

Yeah, Moms love football too!!!!! Go Eagles!!!!

Daniel Cook makes me look like a bad Mom

Do you know this little boy? If you are not a Mom, probably not....

Background: the Disney Channel has this little mini-show, titled, "This is Daniel Cook", and it basically shows a little boy doing all kinds of cool things... Daniel Cook goes to the Fire Station, Daniel Cook milks a Cow, Daniel Cook writes Poetry...., etc.


I thought this show was neat, at first. I especially liked that the show initally had a theme of "conservation" in mind, such as when Daniel visited a woman who recycled paper and made her own paper for greeting cards and stuff.


David is obsessed with this show. The premise was great, so we started talking about doing some of the things Daniel does. David would watch the show, and we would make plans to do something similar.


But the newer episodes are getting a little out there. Recently, Daniel Cook had a show in which he was captain of a boat (a la Pirates of the Carribean), and I'm thinking.... when would I ever have the opportunity to take David on a tall ship like that, much less let him take the wheel? And then there was Daniel Cook Dogsledding, and Daniel Cook creating stop motion animation.... uh huh. I kid you not.


What happened to Daniel Cook makes Pizza??


Seems like Daniel Cook is running out of things to do.


The problem with my son, is he is an explorer. Well, that's not a problem per se, I love that about him... but he wants to live the life of Daniel Cook. So, sometimes I have to improvise, and David is too keen for that. He wants to experience the real thing. I am running out of imagination!!


We had bought hubby a couple balloons for his birthday this week, and David was looking at them very intently. Then he said, "Mommy, I want a BIG balloon like Daniel Cook ", and I want to fly into the sun with it".


!?!?!


I'm feeling like I have the next Richard Branson on my hands.

Waiting for the weekend...

Well, considering this week has been pretty sh*tty, it only makes sense that it just goes downhill from there.

Steve and I were taking off tomorrow to do a car trip with David to Lancaster County for some shopping in Amish country. But, Steve's boss has now cornered him into working tomorrow.

Grrrrrrrr....

I am contemplating canceling my day off tomorrow, but what the heck... I need a day off to putz around and do nothing. Maybe I'll take a drive on my own to the new Target that just opened. I found out there's a STARBUCKS inside. Yee haw.

Now I have two Target stores in an 8 mile radius.. cool.

On the TTC front, I went out and bought a fertility monitor. $200 bucks later, armed with more baby-making ammunition than I care to admit... I am onto another cycle of hope. So now, I have to remember to take my temperature in the AM and pee in a cup. Fabulous.

Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday Hubby

Another step closer to 40, but not there yet!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

and now, a break for this important PSA from BagMomma

Please ladies, remember your self breast exams and mammograms... remind your mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters and friends too.

More than the color for breast cancer awareness, pink represents the promise between two sisters to find a cure for breast cancer. That promise started the Komen Foundation and ignited the passion of millions to create a world without breast cancer. Are you passionate? Passionately Pink for the Cure™ is a new, year-round fundraising and education program kicking off October 1, 2006, in conjunction with National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

The program encourages companies, schools and organizations to take that promise, make it their own, and make a difference by supporting breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment. Breast cancer touches millions of lives.

It is expected that 211,200 women and 1,720 men in the U.S. will be diagnosed with breast cancer, and more than 41,000 people will die from breast cancer in 2006 alone. One by one, we can make a difference! Passionately Pink for the Cure™ is an easy, creative program we hope will have everyone seeing pink everywhere you look, every day in October, encouraging millions of people nationwide to get involved in the promise for the cure. We hope to raise $10 million through the Passionately Pink for the Cure™ program with your help. Click here to learn more about the program. Or if you are looking to make a donation to the foundation, click here

The hardest part about being a Mom...

The hardest thing for a Mom to explain to a toddler is the concept of death, especially when we don't know the answers.

I introduced you to Gilbert a few weeks ago, and unfortunately, he passed yesterday. He died so suddenly, even after being given a clean bill of health. I'm not sure we will ever know the cause, since he was a stray, but what the vet did know was that his red blood cell count was non-existant, indicating a blood disorder or infection that snuck up way too fast. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), David was with us at the vet when the decision was made, giving him an oppotunity for a last hug with his kitty.

Our new family addition touched us so deeply in the short time he was around us.

My son, admittedly, is devasated. This little cat was so attached to him, and so was he to it. I pondered how to tell him the reality of the situation, and then decided the truth in a way he would understand was the best route to take.

When David woke up this morning, he asked if Gilbert was coming home. I told him that Gilbert was very sick, and could not come home again, but he is in a better place with his Mommy and Daddy and his favorite toys.

David seemed okay with that explanation, and instead of asking "why??" like he did all day yesterday, he hugged his stuffed animal (also a cat) and said, "Mommy, I miss him".

Broke my heart and made me smile all at one time.

Peace be with you, dear Gilbert. You will be missed.